Monday, January 14, 2008

The golden years

This past week was a doozy. One of those weeks that makes me want to get in my time machine and travel back to have my tubes tied. And then find my thighs from 1993.

I'm can't even count the numerous ways my children stressed me this week, and franky I don't have it in me to dwell on it anymore. Instead, I'm going to look towards the future when they're grown and civilized.

That way I can visit them and return the favor.

Dear Lucas, forgetful and always hungry. Not a great combination, as I've discovered. I think I forsee a nice steak in the back of his closet. Or spilt milk under his refrigerator. I think I'll forget to tell him when it happens. I'll probably be too busy playing my video games.

Emma, the kid who goes through more outfits than a Vegas showgirl. I can't wait to visit her, take all of her folded clothes out of her dresser, then mix them in with the dirty laundry. I'll be pretty worn out after that, but no nap for me! I think I'll whine until she wants to stab her eardrums out with a rusty nail.

I've told a few people this next one and they always stare at me with that "Maybe she's joking. Let's just chuckle and hope she's joking" face. I assure you I'm not. See, Michael must suffer from sort form of epilepsy that just afflicts him in the bathroom, because HE CANNOT SEEM TO STOP FROM PEEING ALL OVER THE PLACE. I mean, we've gone beyond anecdotal and into just plain lazy, he's fourteen. So, please believe me when I tell you that I'm going to visit Michael the first week he moves out on his own. And pee all over his toilet seat. I'm not even going to feel guilty about it.

Oh Evan. It will be a while before you're out on your own, but I'm so excited already! I may have to stay a whole week with all fo the coloring on the walls, floors, bedsheets, and body parts I'll have to do. I'll send you my list of favorite foods so you can stock the house. I won't eat any of it, but will look great on your floor.

And no matter how many times Brett reminds me, I'm probably going to forget and leave all of the lights on at his house. Every day. Even if I have to drive 5 hours to do it. I may leave some water running too, just for giggles.

Ellie, my wee little baby. You're a sweet thing most days, but I have a feeling I'll be calling you a few times a night just to say "SIKE, I wasn't asleep yet after all!" I hope you scotchguarded that couch, because I'm pretty sure I might feel like spitting a little of lunch back up when you least expect it.

So, no time for red hats or purple muumuus for me. I'll be way too busy spending quality time with my brood.

I only hope they enjoy it as much as I will.


Dani said...

Even though I don't want to think of my kids going off to school yet let alone their adulthood this made me giggle like a school girl to think of all the evil things I want to do to my children as the grow.

Ali said...

We've already decided that when E is 16, we're going to wake up in the middle of the night and scream until he comes into our room. Then, maybe I'll ask him to nurse. Milk please Ezra?