Friday, August 1, 2008

Three degrees of separation

Last night right before we were to give the kids baths Curt remembers that he is out of green tea for his lunches. Which in husband speak translates to 'Please, please, please go get me some tea or I will whine like a girl until you want to stab your ear drums out with a rusty nail'. I left him in charge and headed over to the store by our house before it closed.

Ten minutes later I'm walking in the door as he is carrying Ellie down the hall like she's toxic waste, a look of sheer disgust and terror on his face.

"Oh my god, I was bathing Emma and Lucas and I went into our bathroom to get a towel, and Ellie wandered into the bathroom and started playing in the toilet."

"Um, okay."

"Well, Emma went pee right before she got into the tub and then didn't flush and Ellie grabbed some of the toilet paper and put it into her mouth." He looks close to vomiting. Ellie is still dangling from his outstretched arms like a worm on a hook. The worm is still making 'Nom, nom, nom' noises.

We're sitting on the couch after the disinfection, still mentally shuddering, looking down at Ellie who is playing on the floor.

I turn to him "You know later, she's going to put that mouth on my nipple."

He's silent for a moment and then adds "And then after that, I'm going to have to put my mouth on that nipple."


Becky said...

Sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but the conversation afterwards was hilarious!

I recently turned around to find my 10-month-old sucking on a poopy wipe that I had set down while changing the older one's diaper. I'm telling myself that she only sucked on the edges and didn't actually ingest any...fecal matter.

C. Beth said...

After reading your post and Becky's comment I almost threw up a little in my mouth.

Unknown said...

Okay, this--THIS--is why you're not getting any nieces or nephews out of me. As if I needed another reason. *shudder*

Caroline said...

Ahhh, it's the crap they never tell you when you embark on this whole motherhood gig. I'll be so bloody glad when Ellie gets past this very oral stage.